How social context shapes the transition to parenthood Polish couples in comparative perspective

The aim of this dissertation is to describe and analyze the processes that shape the transition to parenthood of heterosexual couples who at the time of pregnancy shared paid and unpaid work rather equally and planned to do so after the birth of their child. The main focus is on 12 Polish couples interviewed between 2011 and 2014 in two waves of interviews: first, at the time of first pregnancy, and second, when the child was about 1.5 years old. To deepen the understanding, their experience is put in the context of two other studies: a study of 12 Polish men who became fathers after IVF treatment, and a secondary analysis of interviews with 16 Dutch couples expecting their first child.
Maintaining gender equality in an unsupportive institutional context requires constant mindfulness and the removal of obstacles that keep re-emerging, which often jeopardizes feelings of closeness and intimacy. Therefore, giving up on equality might serve protecting the ideal of a loving relationship. Some of the couples found a way to escape the conflict between equality and love by constructing a new ideal of care - ideal based on an assumption that equal dividing of duties is a loving act. Struggling for fairness becomes struggling for both partners’ happiness and fulfillment. As such, it does not threaten but rather strengthens the relationship. For the interviewed couples, such construction of the ideal of care seemed to be an indispensable condition to stay both egalitarian and happy to be together.